CHRISTINE MCNAIR

c’est bien sûr qu’il ya tant de choses que je ne /something here/ touts le temps bébé (baby) mais bien oui wheeeeeeee

c’est bien sûr complicated fastenings drip drop dreck like say it was before then now also maybe possibly perhaps c’est bien sûr

muchthesame c’est bien sûr flood fever breath record high low humidex fat wrestled blue bonnet some bee sunflower wreck retch re: lumen or else sucker punch but then maybe c’est bien sûr not so much resonance sterile echo subtle procrastination of then/then/then but also c’est bien sûr there’s some unsettled cacophony police surveillance long time coming doomsday flecked dull unshone surrender chi-chi shining you know the truth of it c’est bien sûr baby (snake eyes) & you damn well know it

12.25

The weight blossomed without intention people no longer said she looked great. They told her they liked her dress/blouse/necklace/shoes. Thighs plushed out and plumbed, thin lidded lines pale white, her already plushy white thighs mooning glowing.

 She slept uneasily, on her side because on her back the weight felt like it was suffocating her and she found it hard to breathe. She she kept the food in herself and agonised over its digestion, the crinkly turns through esophogaus throat stomach colon intestine anus. Everything left a cold slimy trail on her insides. Her body resisted the shift. Creaked in the wrong places, sweated.

She read books about accepting her body for what it was, empowering books with bright headings and clear little cute fonts. She tried to believe them. She did not.

Her appetite had changed, it craved, demanded full plates. She looked in the mirror and hated. It was all nothing and she hated and it was still nothing and she hated.

12.75

The street is blurred and the wine is jet fuel in her, lit up, blood in the fingertips. Everything is warm and jangling and the Stone Roses are too loud in headphones and she doesn’t see him as he steps out of Kelly’s Pub and she bumps him hard (that pine smell that pine smell)  without thinking grabs his shirt his eyebrows leap she kisses him hard in the street and it’s raining. I wanna be adored you adore me I wanna I wanna be adored.

Then, of course. Statuettes on scene. Unfold diorama. Both drunk in the alley behind Kelly’s and she thinks its kinda like that scene from Sid and Nancy next to the garbage bin but then thinks she shouldn’t be thinking that so she focuses in on the kissing and his lips which are warm round luscious (fucking strawberries really fuck), she bites them and he pushes her against the brick then there’s more kissing and 

12.99 (the last tangent)

*wink*